My narration of My Immortal
by VegaIsTheBrightestStarInLyra
Summary: Listen to what was going though my head as I read the internet phenomenon, the infamous My Immortal. It 'delz wiv srs ishus' My Immortal follows Ebony, a vampire 'gof' girl as she goes through her 7th year. Only the bold is my work!
1. Chapter 1

**Note: Welcome to the worst fanfiction ever written. In bold will be the things that were running through my head when I read this. Enjoy! Oh, and I'll just say that I'm quite sacrastic! **

**Thank you, Tara Gilesbie for writing this tripe!**

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik** God, that's witty**) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **Poor boy** MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia **As in the disease? **Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **You were born with long black hair?** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches **you mean 'reach' ** my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid **Doesn't that mean clear? **tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!**And so we have the 1st breaching of the 4th wall**). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie **Incest much?**. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **(Scotland)** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen **Duh!**). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell **No, I couldn't. It's a shock to me**) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **I don't care **I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **That's called 'sleet', Tara **so there was no sun **if that were so we would all be dead. I think it would be a mercy right about now**, which I was very happy about **Isn't the whole point of being depressed that nothing makes you happy?**. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **That's how to make friends, kids! **

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **There was no need for elipses, Tara. It wasn't that dramatic. **

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **And so we have the 1st character mutilation. **

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **No, Tara, it isn't good. **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **But it's so much fun!**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom **Strange, I wake up in my kitchen**. It was snowing and raining again **What time of year is this meant to be?**. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had **As you do**. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink **I thought goths hated pink **velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of**f** my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **Once again, I don't care! **

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u! **Does that mean Ebony is Tara?**) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **If this is Howarts, where is the uniform? **

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **Jesus! It was just a question! **

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **I thought you hated him?**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked. **This dialouge is unnecessary. **

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **Just as they do, seeing as they're a wizarding band**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **Wow, cliffhanger! **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws **I think those will have been either done by Raven or this Justin boy or meant to be sarcastic**! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis **don't try and blame it on somebody else! **or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **Thank the Lord! **

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front **If you're going to overly describe something at least do it well**. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists **That was a swift mood change**. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS **TONS, she says, TONS** of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway **didn't stop you yesterday**. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car **he's meant to be pureblood, he should frown upon muggle contraptions**. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too **nice of you to mention**), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!) **Not in my experience they don't. **.

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666 **what a coincidence**) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **it appears the concert is in Draco's car**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **I wouldn't say amazing, Tara**

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **That your story is crap?**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **Because you can really do that in a mosh pit. **

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **Her face is blonde?**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz **they smoked ciggarettes and drugs, remember**, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **Shock Shock Horror fucking Horror**

**As you can see, this is awful and believe me, it only gets worse. **

**I wouldn't blame you if you turned back now. Many have tried and failed to take on My Immortal. Stronger men have buckled. Go home with dignaty. If you want to stay. Hold onto your sanity becuase pretty soon you're going to consider gouging your eyes out with a frozen spoon. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Publisher's note: This has TARA'S IDEA OF A LEMON! You have been warned. **

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **And all this time I thought it was Ebony **nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder **I took me a while to realise this was 'knew eachother' **b4 ok! **I think she meant to put a question mark there.**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **God woman, give him a chance to explain himself!**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **And they both plummeted to their deaths**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **CALM DOWN!**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **I wish MY boyfriend had depressing sorrow and evilness in HIS eyes. **

And then… suddenly just as I **died? **Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of**f** my top and I took of**f** his clothes. I even took of**f** my bra. Then he put his thingie **his what? ** into my you-know-what **no, I don't. Care to explain?** and we did it for the first time. **did what for the first time? **

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm **That was quick**. We started to kiss everywhere **I don't even want to know! **and my pale **Ok! You're pale! We get it!** body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **I think she meant to put a question mark again. **

It was….Dumbledore! **Now... that really was a surprise. I was expecting somebody from the ghetto. **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **The only poser is Tara, she doesn't seem to understand what a goth ACTALLY IS **Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **that must have been one helluva mirgraine! **ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **But you updated anyway! **

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him **Does anybody else think it's strange how she's mutilated every other part of the English language but knows this grammar rule that loads of people don't? **. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **Ludacris? Is he playing in Hogsmeade too?**

I started to cry tears of blood **You should see someone about that **down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **I think this is the only time she actaully referrs to it as sex**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **That makes no sence. If they're mediocre dunces then they're actaully alright because they're not good dunces. **

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **So if I was having sex at school all I'd have to say is 'I love him' and I'd get away with it? **

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels **That's very formal/elabourate night wear**. When I came out…. **no need for elipses! **

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte **this Good Charlotte thing is boardering on creepy obsessive**. I was so flattered **I wouldn't be**, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

**So, you survived another chapter? Well done! Make sure after this you do something stimulating becuase I swear my IQ has gone down. **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **What an outfit!**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal **This isn't sold in the UK** with blood instead of mil**k**, and a glass of red blood **I do this too, except I like my blood orange**. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" **PMS? **I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **Oh God! **and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead **No, please no! **anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent **If you're at Howarts then the chances are you will too**. He looked exactly like Joel Madden **And this is a turn on?**. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **Actually, Tara, girls can get an erection, only it isn't with their 'thingie'**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter **aaahhhh! Not Harry! Please!**, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. ***Insert eye roll***

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **Apparently she roared this, but there is no punctuation to suggest that and why did she 'roar' it. Speaking normally would get the same point across. **

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **Rendering this chapter completely pointless. **


	7. Chapter 7

Chaper 7. Bring me 2 life

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws **From whom?**. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons **Ja, Herr Direktor! **! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS **Sounds nasty **! n she has problemz **admitting it is the first step to solving it ** shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish **Does black nail varnish make them stick together or something? **as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings **Either Ebony is Japanese or this is a typo** on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?** yes**). I waved to Vampire **an oddly cheerful gesture**. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes **I see a recurring theme**. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco **because Draco seems so hot**. Anyway **don't say anyway, this isn't a conversation. Punctuation should say 'anyway' for you**, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively **passively? **and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically **so they kiss passively then take each other's clothes off enthusiasticly? Bit of an oxymoron**. He felt me up before I took of**f** my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **wow, can you imagine how painful it would be to take that off on a hot day? **and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **in HER boy thingie? **and we HAD SEX. **Yes she finally called it sex!**(c is dat stupid? **Very**)

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm **I knew women were good mulit- taskers but this is taking it to a new level**. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **knowing he has a tatoo is too much? **

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **That's a bit rude. Not all gay men have them, you know! And, anyway, it's 'AIDS'**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what **For god's sake! It's a penis! A PENIS!** but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! **I think 'motherfucker' is the only word she consistantly spells correct**" I yelled.

**Oh by the way, this is 44 chapters long. You're in for a long ride. **

**I've also decided that when I'm done with this, I'm going to re do it with correct spelling, punctuation and grammer. I don't think I can do much about the plot though. **


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok **I'm afraid I can't act as translator on that one because I'm stumped to what 'flassing' means**! if u do den u r a prep! **I'm pretty sure it's not just preps who floss, if that's even what you mean! **

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.**If only she could take her earlier over use of dialogue and put it here where there is a definate lack of it. **

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith **is the apostrophe meant to take the place of a glottal stop? **smiled at me understatedly **is that even possible?** She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on **a run on sentance if I ever saw one**. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on **bit of a waste**. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born **oh, for crying out loud!**. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it **I bet he slit his wrists**. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger **Smith is far more Vampiric than Granger, I agree**. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor **I didn't think that was allowed**. )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **She and Harry were going out? Did I miss a chapter? **

Everyone gasped. **I'm with them on that! **

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me **POV change? Are we on Harry?**. I had went out with Vampire **Oh, looks like Draco **(I'm bi and so is Ebony **how convenient**) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep. **but it's ok to hang out with somebody who hangs out with preps?**)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire. **if he only said it why is there an exclaimation mark?**

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" **After a while a swear word starts to become meaningless** I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **knowing what virility means makes this typo all the more funny. Virility refers to masculine characteristics** to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **She is so un poser-y and unpreppy that she doesn't even burst into tears like normal people. **


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox **Well that's obvious**! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers **well, you wrote it**! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap **crackle pop **dosent lik harry now **never knew he did to begin with **is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me **he didn't cheat, Tara**. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything **'and everythin'? Like what? **started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie **Well, that's not just given it away**) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic **it was just obvious**. It was… Voldemort! **Oh, my God! She kept that a secret! **

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" **Imperio** and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" **Crucio** I shouted at him. **So you can't run away but you can shoot a curse at him?** Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **You aren't a sadist then are you? **

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **Thou? Since when are we in Shakespearean times? **

I thought about Vampire and his sexah **Apparently Ebony is from Manchester (it's a city in the north and they all talk like that) **eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **You mean like they both said? Wherever did you get that idea?**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **I think this is the only chapter she spells his name right**

Voldemort gave me a gun **A gun?**. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **A GUN?**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded **I'm not sure Voldemort is capable of that **look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." **HAHAHA! For those of you who don't know, telekwnisis is moving things with your mind. Also, I really don't think 'hath' is gramtically correct. ** he answered cruelly. "And if you doth **do** not kill Vampire, then thou know**s** what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **I never knew one could fly angrily**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit **no**) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered. **Bit harsh. **

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **But he said that he didn't!**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **Wow, another example of amazing multi-tasking. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Brace yourselves for the appearance of Ron! **

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags **not long ago she was telling us she liked gay people** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **for those of you, like me, who had no idea what that said at first, here is a translation: It turns out B'loody Mary isn't a muggle after all. She and Vampire are evil, that's why they moved houses. Ok? Wow, the power of spelling and punctuation. **

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666 **How many stereotypes can you fit into one band name? **. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR **presuambly Tara's favourite bands**. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire **I thought they didn't know each other before she called him a bastard**, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo **Oh dear Lord **now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it. **Wow, he's let himself go**) and Hargrid **ok?**. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s **Make a note of that, people **(there's no way I'm writing that **You did a few lines ago**) or a steak **only if you leave it out too long**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride **that isn't depressing**. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **Of course not, that's why she had 'it' after one date. **

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **Definatley PMS**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted **concerted means rigorous or strenuous **voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily **God, Ebony! She was only asking**! . And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! **Wait, what happened to Vampire? **But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **What wall? I thought he was slitting his wrists!**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character? **Yeah, he'd actaully call her a mudblood**)

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too**,** all sensitive**ly if you're going to mutilate a good character at least do it with good grammar** . Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery **fiery what? **and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **I don't think he did before.**

"What have you done!**?**" He started to cry wisely **how can you cry wisely?**. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y **don't give this amazing plot twist away! **) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **I thought you said that wasn't possible. **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 **Just hold down the shift button and press 1, it isn't hard **it delz wit rly sris issus **yeah, but not very well**! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! **Not just horrified, she was horrorfied!** B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **WHY? She's being NICE! **and I ran to my room crying myself **yourself what? Stupid? **. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **He'd look a perv if he stopped? **

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists **So you're going to do the thing that killed the boyfriend it seems like you hate?**. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath **whith no water in apparently **angrily while I put on a Linkin Park **that isn't very gothic **song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide **not going to work**. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly **why didn't youcommit suicide, it would save us all a lot of bother**. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap**e** was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it **Lupin was chewing to it?**! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it **disn't she just say she had got dressed?**. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb **Ok!**. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion **not an exageration or anything! **times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **speech marks?**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **Apparently this isn't the same Hagrid as we know**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him **we never did find out what happened when Dumbledore waved his wand did we?**. "There must be other factors." **To what?**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **IN madly?**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly **elephant?**. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **No shit**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **God, I know the feeling. **

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **I misread that for a second**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint **what a decision**.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **Gothic version of 50 cent? **

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!"


End file.
